I Have A Dream...

As the sun sets my anticipation grows
I open the window to let the cool breeze blow
My heart beats faster and faster as if it’s under attack
Curtains closed, lights off, every corner’s pitch should be black.
There is only one way I can see you, if the conditions are right
So everything has to be perfect, tonight is definitely the night

Starvation is setting in, you are part of my balanced diet
No music, no sound just silencing the quiet
Lay on the bed with great expectation of your arrival,
Seeing your face again is an essential part of my survival.
I need to see you, my images of you are starting to blur
My mind is distorted, I’m forgetting about how we were

How it felt to hear you speak
How that beautiful voice was so unique
How your touch warmed the spirit of my soul
How even on my emptiest day, it made me feel whole

My body couldn't fight my all settings

I couldn't fend off how sleepy I was getting

As my body became motionless and my eyelids closed
I could feel a slight touch on my back, It was you i suppose

I glance out of one eye, and it was YOU

This is the one moment my mind was trying to pursue
I was finally able to see you face to face

Time was taking too much time, I couldn't wait

My true feelings I tried to express

I wanted to say so much, but I was just speechless

I have longed for just one hug, I reach out my arms

Where have you gone!!, All I can hear is the sounds of the alarm

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

As I awake, my heart still sleeps

Everything felt so real, nothing seemed fake

In my sleep, I feel so awake

If only I could sleep forever

That way we would always be together

But until that time it would only seem

that I will have to wait until my next dream

©2008 D. Johnson

R.I.P Shirrae, Grandpa, Papa, and everybody else that has passed on. Until , I see you in heaven, I can only dream about you.

I'm In Love With A Stripper

On Saturday, one my boys from high school signed over his Playa's Card and got married. I'm not mad at him for getting married its a good thing for him. I'm mad at him for his so called Bachelor Party. It made me think of how times are changing, its seems that the traditional Bachelor Party is a lost art. I had a good time though, but I think it would have been even more exciting with more female interaction. It was more like a fellas night out to me, we could have done that any night. A Bachelor Party has to be something that you will always remember.

It's funny because I'm not a big fan of going to strip clubs. It's a big tease and a waste of money. Everytime I go, I feel like I'm buying a new car-every girl in there is pushing trying to sell their services. You end up leaving all excited and broke. I don't like that feeling. My first time, I almost feel in love with a stripper in one night...LOL.. So you know they have good game, I could feel myself about to utter the words of a true Captain Save 'Em... "You know you don't have to do this". I learned my lesson from that, but I'm still young and i'm not that thirsty to see some booty clapping yet. I can understand why some men spend days/hours in there though. If you go the strip club for the lunch buffet, you have a serious problem. THAT'S NASTY just thinking about it.

Even though I'm not a stripper fanatic, I want to see lots of rumpshaking, nakedness, tassles, and pasties at my Going Away Party (oops I mean Bachelor Party). I just want to "Make It Rain" ONE TIME, so I can cross that off my Hood Ninja to do list! I'm not the type of dude that will go crazy and do something stupid that night. I just think of it as more of a celebration for my boys than me. I'm looking forward to that "Best Man" type of party without the fighting though. Maybe its just me, but it seems those kinds of Bachelor parties are extinct.

If money wasn't a issue and I could have a Super Sweet Sixteen Bachelor party, It would go a little something like this:

Where: Miami and Vegas would be a close second.

When: Probably a week before I get married, I would never do that night before thing. Thats just stupid, why would you want to smell like whipped cream, stripper fumes, dollar bills, Patron, and glitter on your wedding day.

Who: I would invite basically every male I knew and we would take a private jet to our destination. All my female friends would be invited too, I'm an equal opportunity offender. As we enter the venue everyone would receive a small bottle of Patron and a complimentary stack of 100 one dollar bills for making it rain purposes. I would have Lil Jon and Ying Yang Twins perform all their greatest hits. The stripper to guest ratio would probably be 2 to 1. The special guest performers would be Buffie Da Body, Angel Lola Luv, Jesikah Maximus, and Deelishus. Also, I would hire Damon Dash out of unemployment to pour Cristal on the strippers.

If only my dreams came true...

No Mama No

Gloria James doesn't like to see her little boy get beat up.

So when she saw Paul Pierce drag LeBron James into the crowd on a drive to the basket, Gloria jumped up to his defense.
Now, she might want to wash LeBron's mouth out with soap.
As Gloria approached the scuffle, Cleveland's star forward told his mom to sit down, using language that might have offended a few lipreaders.
"I told her to sit down with some language I shouldn't have used. Thank God today wasn't Mother's Day, it was yesterday," James said after Monday night's 88-77 victory.
But James swears he was just looking out for her, trying to make sure she doesn't miss any games.
"Even though that's my mother, the commissioner doesn't care if it's your mother or your kids or anybody, you can't allow fans and players to get involved like that. And I can't afford for my mom not to be at every last one of my games."
Cavs even series with Celts

Kevin Garnett, trailing on the play, tried to calm her and Wally Szczerbiak approached her for a high five, but Gloria James was too angry to pay attention to either.
Szczerbiak was impressed. "She was fired up. It was great. She was animated, she was pumped up. She's LeBron's mother, she was obviously amped up like the rest of the crowd."
She returned to her seat shortly after, and the Cavs went on to win Game 4 and even the series against the Celtics at two games apiece.

Damn, that was some funny shit. "My Baby, My Baby". Now, I don't condone Lebron yelling at his mom like that on National TV. I know my mom would have been on the court beating my ass. Then telling me to sit my ass down. I understand his anger and frustration though, what grown ass man wants his mama to come to his aid in a fight. I mean Lebron is already labeled a Crybaby and now this. I wouldn't be surprised to see Mama's Boy T-shirts in Boston tonight. I hope they are sponsored by Mercedes or Cadillac, so we can get .23 cent Lacs and Benzs instead of pizza this time. I would be the first person in line for those. In that picture it looks like Lebron is about to beat her ass and KG, Pierce is holding him back. I hope that these dudes and pull out a victory in Boston tonight, Lebron needs to have one of those Jordan games tonight. GO CAVS!!!

I'm It

I have officially been tagged by Soupasexy

Here are the rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you…
2. Mention the rules in your blog…
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours...
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them…
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged...

I may skip steps 4 and 5, I hope i'm not violating any blog rules.

1. I like to sleep on my hands, arms, or configure my body so that I lose circulation. Reading that back sounds a little crazy. I like the feeling of waking up in the morning with my arm still asleep. I don't know why that amazes or pleasures me. One morning I woke up and I knew that practically my entire right arm was out for the count. I attempt to raise my arms in the air in a yawning motion, little did I know that I had no feeling or control of my right arm. So I kinda sucker punched myself in the face. Now, I know how addicts feel I have been chasing that high ever since.

2. I have a weird relationship with holes. When I see holes in a wall, they make me itch. I'm not talking about little nail holes, they have to be at least the size of my fist to irriatate me. It's just something about a hole in the wall that creeps me out. I'm revealing entirely too much right now.

3. I can't stand that taste of applesauce, who invented this shit anyway. You don't see me making pearsauce, mangomash, or grapemush. I was traumatized when I was younger. I had asthama and my mother had to use covert tactics to get me to take my medicine. She would chop it up like Nino Brown and Ruffie me. I couldn't stand that shit then and I definitely can't stand it now.

4. For the first 20 something years of my life I wouldn't drink water. It was like I didn't even know water existed. Drinking water with a meal was a sin. The only time I would drink water was after a basketball session at the water fountain. Even still today, that is when water taste the best after exercising, basketball, or any other activities you might do to make you sweat...LOL. I blame the KOOLAID man for that. Now I can't go a day without drinking liters of it.

5. I have a severe case Packratism. I keep all kinds of useless papers, coupons, and junkmail. I can't throw away junkmail for some reason. I have like six editions of the Gold Clipper coupon book on the microwave, just in case I want to order some aluminum siding or a tanning bed.

6. I constantly bite my finger nails, people tell me thats a digusting habit. I take pleasure into letting them grow and biting them off. I usually end up with a couple of hangnails and blood. Its not a good look.

BMD: Baby Mama Drama

While I'm waiting for my mom to get off work, I decided that I would post something. Why that women works everyday all day I do not know. I'm going to take her and my older sister out to dinner for Mother's Day. Usually, i'm not one for going out to eat on "Hallmark Holidays" but that's what they wanted to do. The crowds are usually ridiculous and the service is usually terrible. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there, make sure you let that person know how special they are to you.

Quick Side Note: My father doesn't get my mother or sister anything for Mother's Day, he barely acknowledges the day. Now, I know my parents are separated but even when they weren't it was the same reaction. He always would say that "She's not my mother". What kind of ass backwards shit is that??? He can be an A-hole at times. She deserves some credit for being the mother of your three beautiful children. I just feel that being the mother of my child is a privilege. Now, before you jumped on me and I get letters from a feminist organization, sister circle club, MADD or PETA. I don't mean it in the cocky sense. I have so much respect for women and value life immensely. She would the vessel of my legacy, my faberge egg, the most precious of all that is precious, an extension of me. I don't understand how these DBDs can abandon the mother of their child, its like you are abandoning a piece of themselves. Birth and Life is such a beautiful thing, that's deep creating life. I have first hand experience of what it is like to see a woman raising a child on her own. Its not a good look. I just know I would be that dude you see on TV rubbing the Dome of Stretch Marks. The one dude in lamaze class doing my "He He He He Ha Ha Ha Ho Ho Ho". The one going to the store at three in the morning trying to find some Pickles and Cream flavored ice cream....LOL. The one that would probably pass out after seeing all that blood in the delivery room. I look forward to being that dude one day.

Morale Of The Story:
Fellas, let your ladies know that you may not understand all they went through to have your child but you respect it.

I'm Back On My Grind

For the last three years I have been involved with a wonderful young lady Smurf. Recently, (well not recently) we called it quits, the end, no mas. Was it something I wanted? - No. Was it something I caused? - Yes. I had some trust issues, it was crazy I would be so jealous if she talked to her male friends or wanted to see them. I realize now that the trust has to be rock solid to have a healthy relationship. Maybe the lack of trust stemmed from some personal insecurities. Not maybe - it definitely did. It's funny that I was that way because a lot of people say I have that cocky swagger to me. I don't see it at all - well baby a little bit. Something happened in my previous previous relationship that I never resolved going into the relationship with Smurf. (I'll get into that another day). Now throughout the course of our relationship I might have gave 75% but it felt like I was giving 100%. I had a clouded view of what I was doing was right. I was SO HIGH because my view was real clouded. Don't get me wrong I was still a good man but I didn't know how to let her be a good woman.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT to the fellas:
When your woman is happy and content, You are happy

My man pride won't let me realize that - to get the best out of her I have to give her the best ot me. Its a game of follow the leader, lead by example. Unfornately, I know all of this now and I worked out all of my issues in therapy. Yeah I said therapy, its not just for crazy people. That is how I used to feel. Example:

Smurf: "We should see if we can go to counseling to get some help for our relationship"

Me: "Hell Naw, what can a therapist tell me that I don't already know"

Smurf: "It won't hurt to try, maybe you can even talk about what happen in your last relationship"

Me: "I'm good I don't believe in therapy I will work it out myself"

That was a big mistake because I wasn't strong enough to deal with it on my own. I internalized my pain and doubts until it took over my self conscience. I was like having the little angel and devil on my shoulders. But anyway I'm verving off my original topic. See my mind is everywhere.

Now, I'm technically single and eventually I will get back into the DATING GAME. This is a game thats unfamilar to me now. It's like I don't even want to be bothered with the whole process. I just want the Baby with the labor pains if you know what I mean. I'm at the point in my life where its pointless to even waste my time on somebody that I don't think I can be Mrs. Me. I still think that I messed up my chance at that but God is sending me in a different direction. So I'm just gonna put on my blindfold and let him guide me. Don't get me wrong I have a little bit of game left, but my game has been on the shelf for years. Its time to dust off my Ay Bay Bays, Baby Girls, Mas, and Sweethearts...lol. I wish I could seriously start taking applications with resumes included. I mean that would make the process so much easier, maybe I can hold a casting call. When I'm ready I'm just gonna take it slow... For right now my heart still belongs to Smurf.

Ain't We Lucky We Got Them - Good Times

Is times that hard in Cleveland... That you would wait three to four hours just to get a .23 cent pizza... I'm not gonna lie I was about to get one until I seen this line.





Why won't Hilary Clinton just give up... She is like that roach that just won't die. RAAAAIIDD!!!!

Why do I have nine (yes nine I counted) post-it notes stuck to my monitor at work.I don't even know why I wrote half of them. I heard the dude who invented post-it notes did it by mistake. Damn, I wish I made million dollar mistakes.

I dare to say but Lil Wayne is the best rapper alive. My Ipod stays on the weezy playlist, but its funny if you listen to some of his early stuff. Only about a few years he started coming with straight fire. It was kinda like an overnight change, he must have got one of those rapping dictionary. Kanye comes in a close second though.

Mother's Day is coming up and I have no IDEER what I'm going to get her. She is hard to shop cause she never wants anything. I know when I have kids and they ask me what I want for father's day, you know I'm pulling out a list.

I'm doing a charity Walk for Hunger this weekend. Now the walk is downtown where the most hunger people live. I mean our downtown seems to have the largest visible homeless population. I never understand why it is that way in most cities. I did the walk last year and its kinda ironic that thousands walk past ignoring the very people we are doing the walk to benefit. Now that makes no sense. I don't judge - I try to help out when I can, but I give more points to the creative. One day I seen this dude who seems to be on bad times carrying a posterboard sign right off the exit ramp. Now that I think about it, it was in color and everything. Where the hell did he get markers from??? Anyway the sign read: "WHY LIE I JUST WANT SOME BEER" and I was like Damn! Thats deep. I reached in my pocket pull out a dollar rolled down my window said "Hey My Man, I like your sign. Here you go" He ran to my car grabbed the dollar and smiled with the seven teeth I did seen. He raised his hands up in the air and said "Its Miller Time"...LMAOOOOO I was dying laughing.... That could have been a Miller Lite commercial

Last fall I was going over my Mother's house- the house I spent my teenage years. According to outsiders we didn't live in the greatest of areas. I was walking up the steps and a guy was riding down the street on his 1o speed bike, you know the old school kind with the Tour De France handlebars. He had a rake and a big garbage bag, how do you manuever a bike with all that stuff I don't know. I was probably late September so the leaves off the trees had just began to fall. He screeched on the brakes and asked me if I wanted my yard raked for five dollars. I looked at the yard saw about fifteen leaves looked back at him and said "I'm cool". Like any other businessman/hussleman he knocked his price down. "2.50" He said. Now, I'm getting a little irriatated "Naw man I'm good, it's not that many leaves there"... So then he hit me with the best comeback I ever heard... "Well do you want to buy some leaves"....LMAOOOOOO... WTF!!! What am I gonna do with some leaves... I almost lost it. That's a true businessman though, if you are selling a solution to a problem, but I don't have that problem... Guess what you sell them the problem. They don't teach you that at Devry, that's true street teachings. The funny part about it I had to think about it for a second before I said "Hell No".

Morale of Today is:

They say that most people are a couple paychecks away from being homeless. Thank God for the things that you do have because it can be worse. Even the smallest things are blessings.

MESSAGE!!!!!

Welcome Mat

Hello Boys and Girls,

Welcome to the wonderful world of me. I'm finally a member of the blogworld after a year or so of being on the outside looking in. By no means I am going to WOW you with my literary pieces or even hold a candle to many of the blogs out there. I'm really just doing this because someone told me that it would be a good outlet for what I'm going through in my life right now. It was either this or start a diary, therefore I picked a blog for a couple of reasons.

1. This is 2008, and its so easy for me to just write with technology being anywhere I go. Also, it's not a good look for a grown ass man to carry around a diary with a lock on it. (I just got a flashback)
2. I think I can type faster than I can write, I know that doesn't sound right but it's true. I think that may be the case for a lot of people now.
3. Where can you buy a diary at nowadays without it being the Hello Cheetah Kitty Girl Hananna Montana special edition version. Even though I would definitely roll with the Spiderman version.
4. It is always somebody going through the same thing somewhere in the world. As a stubborn as I may be at times, I'm open to any advice, comments, questions, and suggestions. You just can't get that in a diary or journal. I don't know why I keep saying diary, journal makes me feel more masculine.

That's about the gist of it. I'm surprised I wrote this much, I hate to read and write. I have never been the type to just sit down and read a book. In high school, if it wasn't for Cliff and his notes I would have never made it through my senior year. I dislike writing papers too, just the fact that I'm writing this very sentence repulses me.

***DISCLAIMER***
What to expect from my blog:

No big words - Since I don't read often, my vocabulary is limited to adjectives like happy, sad, big and small.
Spelling errors - I used to get a gold sticker in spelling but that was fifth grade.
Randomness - My mind wonders I am always thinking, it is all over the place
Weirdness - Sometimes I'm in my own little world
Grammatical Errors - See I don't even know if I spelled grammatical right. I never understand the concept of a run-on sentence, semi-colon, colon, and all the other ones that you have to press the Shift key to use.
Humor - I know that I'm probably my biggest fan but I think that I'm a funny dude.
**Now that I have warned you, you are more than welcome to join me on my blog journey.

The love of my life (now my ex - I'll get into that another day) writes in her blog frequently and would sit there and read blogs all day long. I never understand what could you possibly be reading about and what's so interesting about other peoples lives. I will never tell her I started my own blog, I would never hear the end of it. I kinda feel like a hypocrite, so I can't give her that satisfaction of knowing. One day she will probably stumble upon my blog and scratch her head in confusion. I don't read her blog at all. I felt when we were together that was her outlet and if she wanted to write about the stupid things that I did than that was her right. I know I will reference her in future posts so I need a real funny cool alias for her without mentioning her real name. Any suggestions?

Well, in closing I will give you a little background about me. I have already exceeded my internal character limit. I'm a 27 year old man from Cleveland, OH. I have two siblings and I'm the only boy, some might say I'm a Mama's Boy. To those people, I would kick their ass. I love my mom to death she practically raised me by herself. By no means do I think I'm a mama's boy though. I'm very very creative and always thinking which has become my downfall in some relationships. My flaws also make me good at what I do for a living. I'm an engineer, so my light bulb is always on. As I post more you will get to know more and more and possibly too much about me. So I will end it here, as I take off my dress shoes and my work clothes and put on my Jordans and Cavs T-shirts and leave this Make Believe Neighborhood ala Mister Rogers. I will say

(Sing Along With Me)
It’s such a good feeling to know you’re alive
It’s a such happy feeling
You’re growing inside
And when you wake up ready to say
I think I’ll make a snappy new day (*snaps my fingers*)

It’s such a good feeling
A very good feeling
The feeling you know that I’ll be back
When the week is new
And I’ll have more ideas for you
And you’ll have things you’ll want to blog about
I will, too.



Thank You Come Again!!