Weekend Wrap-Up

Okay once again i get the Worst Blogger award. While driving in the car and I might think about blogging that night. I come up with ideas and everything. I get to someplace with a computer and I just get caught up doing something else. I think I might even post at least twice this week (MAYBE!!). It has been two weeks since my last post, damn I'm ashamed of myself. I'll get it together.

Back to the topic at hand... My weekend was cool. it was actually one of my most eventful and funniest weekends in a long time. Let's break it down.

FRIDAY
Friday started off a little shaky. My job has this wonderful perk called Summer Fridays meaning that during the summer I don't have to take my black ass to work on Fridays. I love that ish!!! Unfortunately not this friday I was supposed to be a home scratching myself watching the Maury "You Are Not The Father" Povich Show. I had to finish up a few things, four hours later I leave work and go to the gym to play a little basketball. While I was at work I texted my boy M who is something like a club promoter/party thrower/hustleman about this party he was promoting. He told me that the party would be a swimsuit/beach theme and that's all I needed to know. While I am at the gym I try to get some last minute weight lifting done to increase my already extreme buffness...LOL... After the gym I go get a fresh cut and get some new earrings. By this time I'm amped about going, I trim off my chest hairs and take that fresh shower. The party was in a city where I used to live which is about an hour away. I'm listening to Tha Carter III and The Cool the whole way there. On the way, I have to go pick up our other friend. We make it to the club where I only see about three or four cars in the parking lot. One of the cars I recognized immediately. This is some BS, even though it was kinda early in the night. We walked in and there are about four Monique stunt doubles dancing in bikini tops, wraps, and runned down flip flops. I almost lost it, gas is too damn high for me to drive all that way for some big girls(No disrespect to plus size women, I love yall but I was just expecting more). So I see my dude M by the dj booth, I have to get an explanation from him before I "Hulk" out. He reassures me that all the people will be coming late, I give him the benefit of the doubt and stay. Not to mention the fact that we had free drinks for the entire night. Within the hour more people start to trickle in, but it soon becomes a sausage party with all the dudes coming in. I'm ready to go, the free Patron can't make me fight five dudes to dance with one plus size girl. I did have one girl sorta stalk me, she was cute but she had that "Misery" thing going on. She just seemed a little crazy, she would say things like "Can I wash your clothes"... WTF kinda question is that? I grabbed my other boy B and headed for the door. As we get ready to walk out, it seemed like thirty girls walked in. I don't know where they came from but I didn't care. One of these girls was brave enough to wear a thong with a little wrap over it. We quickly made a U turn, after that the night got better. The female to male ratio was like 3 to 1 by the end of the night, I will take those odds everyday. Its funny we seen dudes doing push ups, squeezing a roll of toilet paper, and dips in the bathroom trying to get that extra UMMFF. I had a real fun time, but I was done. After dancing, about 8 shots of Patron, and my boy getting slapped by this girl... It was time to go. Could I have made it back home at 3 in morning after drinking? Hell No...that's why I didn't even try. I stayed at my boys crib that night, why he decided to invite some Loud ass girls from the club there? I don't know. One of them kept touching my face and squeezing my cheeks. Its cute the first two times but the eleventh time I'm ready to body slam you. I really don't remember much after that.

SATURDAY
I wake up in the morning and see about seven people sleeping on the floor I don't recognize. As I get up and step over people like I'm walking through a landmine field. I tap my boy M on the shoulder who had some girl laying on him drooling all over his shirt. I tell him I'm about to leave and walk out to my car. I soon realize I don't have MY shoes on, somehow I had on somebody else shoes. The funny part is they are two totally different type of shoes....Lol. I did some cleaning and laundry once I finally got back home. I was cleaning up because I was hosting a little party/game night. My ex Smurf and her girls versus me and my boys. We had a lot of fun and drinks too. I had another night filled with Patron. We played a couple of drinking games, my friend Mike couldn't grasped the concept so he was DONE!!!... After that we ended up playing Taboo which is probably not a game you should play tipsy. It was funny as hell though. We whooped their arses in Taboo. I'm the Lebron James of Taboo!! After that we played a ghetto version of Win,Lose, or Draw. We would give the girls a movie title and they would have to draw it out. Once again this is probably not a game you should pay intoxicated. We ended up whooping their arses in that too. Don't ask me how but I know I drew "Save the Last Dance" somehow good enough to get my boys to get it right. I drew some music notes and stick figures with wavy arms. My drunk ass friend Mike was halfway sleep, he looked at it once and yelled out the answer. I don't know how he got that, he was barely able to complete a sentence. We played some more games and my boys were DONE!!! You never want to be the first to go to sleep around me...LOL... Once they see those pictures they will regret it. It was a real good time though...

SUNDAY
Recovery from Friday and Saturday night. I usually don't party like a rockstar, so I was being lazy that day. It seemed like I folded up every article of clothing I owned while watching TV. Also, I played a little Xbox and PS3 and called it a day.


HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND????????

I Need Another Shot!!

I know I'm the worst blogger in the universe, especially being new to blogging. I will pick up the pace soon, I have been slacking because it's summer time and work is kicking my arse lately.

Today I went to the dentist to get an exam. This past week I have been feeling pain in my tooth everytime I ate. So, I finally scheduled for an appointment to see the dentist today. I kinda figured that I needed my wisdom tooth pulled but I wasn't sure. I was hoping it was just a cavity or something else. I get to the office at 4:00 (keep that time in mind) and was seen immediately. The office is pretty nice, there is a flat screen TV in every exam room. They use it to let the patients watch TV and look at xrays. I don't know why I'm excited about that but I think its sweet. So i'm watching Tiger Woods on his path to whooping some more ass in golf. The doctor comes in a daps me up like the Obamas...LOL... That was unexpected and awkard even though my dentist is probably only a little older than me. He asked me whats wrong and pries open my mouth to take a look. He starts thumping on my teeth until he gets to my wisdom tooth and it seemed like he hit it with a real hammer. He takes xrays and tells me that i have to get it pulled, I say "okay". I'm thinking that he is going to reschedule for another day, since he just took his gloves off and leaves the room. He comes back with some power tools, wrenches, magnets, a level, studfinder, and a screwdiver. I was preparing myself to leave and I feel the chair start to recline. I felt like I was in the "Little Shop Of Horrors" Movie... SAY AH... Now, I'm a little nervous because all I can think about is the horror tales from people who get teeth pulled. He gives me a couple of shots, and say "Now that's the most painful part, you should be ok". First, I want to say that was BULLS#%T. Secondly, that was pure Grade A BULLS$#T. He waits a few minutes and starts digging away to see if I can feel anything. WAIT A MINUTE!!! I NEED ANOTHER SHOT!!! He gives me another shot and starts to go to work on my tooth. Doc says, "You are gonna feel a little pressure". Now, I'm 6' 4" 215 pounds and I think I have a high tolerance for pain. DAMN...THIS ISH RIGHT HERE... Once again he lied to me, he starts pushing hard as hell on my tooth to loosen it up. I was trying to be strong and Man Up but it seemed like I felt everything. My eye got a little watery only because I was squeezing them shut trying to bear the pain. What happened to the string on the tooth and doorknob thing. Next thing you know the tooth was out. I get gauze, instructions, and a pain meds prescription before i was sent on my way.

Lets Review: Tooth hurts,Dentist Appointment, Exam, PAIN, PAIN, PAIN, and home. I look at my watch when I leave and its 4:15. DAMN they are like Lube Stop Pennzoil 10 minute tooth removal. I'm okay now but the shots haven't wore off yet. I'm just mad that I didn't eat before because I can only have mush now.

Inny Minny Miny Mo..

I have been slacking on the postings, but I promise to pick the pace back up. I have been doing more reading than writing lately. I don't have a post for today but I figured I would just post some random pictures. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so it kinda equal a post or two. RIGHT??


Keep in mind these are random pictures that I just closed my eyes and picked. Honestly, that is how I picked them. I will respect the randomness and include every one regardless if they wouldn't make my modeling portfolio (if I had one).

This one is from my mom's birthday ball I decided to throw her a couple of years ago. I was inspired by the Oprah Legend's Ball special. So we decorated her house with a somewhat elegant decor. Well, as elegant as we could get without Oprah's budget (just typing the words Oprah and budget don't feel right). We all dressed up in pink and black. I wrote our own versions of the "We Speak Your Name" poems for everybody there (sisters, niece, Smurf). I wish I could remember what the poems said, I just remember it being hilarious. She loved it, I think she shed a little tear.

This one is an old picture of my shoe collection. I have a thing for Jordans, Nikes, and tennis shoes in general. I just don't feel right without a nice pair of shoes on my feet. I have always been that way since high school. In high school, you had to have on the latest pair of shoes to even get close to the girls. Since then it has loss of its effect, but its still an expensive passion of mines. I have toned it down a little bit since this picture, sold a few of those on Ebay for more than what I paid for them. In some weird way its an investment, since I don't wear one particular pair that often my shoes kinda appreciate with time. Sounds weird, who would want to buy a used pair of shoes, but sneakerheads like myself take the shoe game seriously. Step on my shoes and ITS OVER!!

That's me, Smurf, and my dad at his birthday a few months. I know you ask, "Why are you wearing the bandage on your head?" Well, thanks for your concern but I had got into an accident at work. I had a cut on the inside of my eye, split my eyebrow open (to the white meat), and needed stitches. I thank God because I could have seriously damaged my eye that day.

I think I was in Florida when this was taken. I don't know what i was doing or thinking about. It must have been something deep.

On my way to the Cavs game to see King James. I think they lost that night... Them Bums!!...

No explanation for this one. I think this a perfect example of having too much time on your hands.

This was interesting I think i got lucky and didn't pick anything too crazy. I must admit I stayed true to the randomness. I will do this again soon, back with a real post tomorrow.

I Have A Dream...

As the sun sets my anticipation grows
I open the window to let the cool breeze blow
My heart beats faster and faster as if it’s under attack
Curtains closed, lights off, every corner’s pitch should be black.
There is only one way I can see you, if the conditions are right
So everything has to be perfect, tonight is definitely the night

Starvation is setting in, you are part of my balanced diet
No music, no sound just silencing the quiet
Lay on the bed with great expectation of your arrival,
Seeing your face again is an essential part of my survival.
I need to see you, my images of you are starting to blur
My mind is distorted, I’m forgetting about how we were

How it felt to hear you speak
How that beautiful voice was so unique
How your touch warmed the spirit of my soul
How even on my emptiest day, it made me feel whole

My body couldn't fight my all settings

I couldn't fend off how sleepy I was getting

As my body became motionless and my eyelids closed
I could feel a slight touch on my back, It was you i suppose

I glance out of one eye, and it was YOU

This is the one moment my mind was trying to pursue
I was finally able to see you face to face

Time was taking too much time, I couldn't wait

My true feelings I tried to express

I wanted to say so much, but I was just speechless

I have longed for just one hug, I reach out my arms

Where have you gone!!, All I can hear is the sounds of the alarm

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

As I awake, my heart still sleeps

Everything felt so real, nothing seemed fake

In my sleep, I feel so awake

If only I could sleep forever

That way we would always be together

But until that time it would only seem

that I will have to wait until my next dream

©2008 D. Johnson

R.I.P Shirrae, Grandpa, Papa, and everybody else that has passed on. Until , I see you in heaven, I can only dream about you.

I'm In Love With A Stripper

On Saturday, one my boys from high school signed over his Playa's Card and got married. I'm not mad at him for getting married its a good thing for him. I'm mad at him for his so called Bachelor Party. It made me think of how times are changing, its seems that the traditional Bachelor Party is a lost art. I had a good time though, but I think it would have been even more exciting with more female interaction. It was more like a fellas night out to me, we could have done that any night. A Bachelor Party has to be something that you will always remember.

It's funny because I'm not a big fan of going to strip clubs. It's a big tease and a waste of money. Everytime I go, I feel like I'm buying a new car-every girl in there is pushing trying to sell their services. You end up leaving all excited and broke. I don't like that feeling. My first time, I almost feel in love with a stripper in one night...LOL.. So you know they have good game, I could feel myself about to utter the words of a true Captain Save 'Em... "You know you don't have to do this". I learned my lesson from that, but I'm still young and i'm not that thirsty to see some booty clapping yet. I can understand why some men spend days/hours in there though. If you go the strip club for the lunch buffet, you have a serious problem. THAT'S NASTY just thinking about it.

Even though I'm not a stripper fanatic, I want to see lots of rumpshaking, nakedness, tassles, and pasties at my Going Away Party (oops I mean Bachelor Party). I just want to "Make It Rain" ONE TIME, so I can cross that off my Hood Ninja to do list! I'm not the type of dude that will go crazy and do something stupid that night. I just think of it as more of a celebration for my boys than me. I'm looking forward to that "Best Man" type of party without the fighting though. Maybe its just me, but it seems those kinds of Bachelor parties are extinct.

If money wasn't a issue and I could have a Super Sweet Sixteen Bachelor party, It would go a little something like this:

Where: Miami and Vegas would be a close second.

When: Probably a week before I get married, I would never do that night before thing. Thats just stupid, why would you want to smell like whipped cream, stripper fumes, dollar bills, Patron, and glitter on your wedding day.

Who: I would invite basically every male I knew and we would take a private jet to our destination. All my female friends would be invited too, I'm an equal opportunity offender. As we enter the venue everyone would receive a small bottle of Patron and a complimentary stack of 100 one dollar bills for making it rain purposes. I would have Lil Jon and Ying Yang Twins perform all their greatest hits. The stripper to guest ratio would probably be 2 to 1. The special guest performers would be Buffie Da Body, Angel Lola Luv, Jesikah Maximus, and Deelishus. Also, I would hire Damon Dash out of unemployment to pour Cristal on the strippers.

If only my dreams came true...

No Mama No

Gloria James doesn't like to see her little boy get beat up.

So when she saw Paul Pierce drag LeBron James into the crowd on a drive to the basket, Gloria jumped up to his defense.
Now, she might want to wash LeBron's mouth out with soap.
As Gloria approached the scuffle, Cleveland's star forward told his mom to sit down, using language that might have offended a few lipreaders.
"I told her to sit down with some language I shouldn't have used. Thank God today wasn't Mother's Day, it was yesterday," James said after Monday night's 88-77 victory.
But James swears he was just looking out for her, trying to make sure she doesn't miss any games.
"Even though that's my mother, the commissioner doesn't care if it's your mother or your kids or anybody, you can't allow fans and players to get involved like that. And I can't afford for my mom not to be at every last one of my games."
Cavs even series with Celts

Kevin Garnett, trailing on the play, tried to calm her and Wally Szczerbiak approached her for a high five, but Gloria James was too angry to pay attention to either.
Szczerbiak was impressed. "She was fired up. It was great. She was animated, she was pumped up. She's LeBron's mother, she was obviously amped up like the rest of the crowd."
She returned to her seat shortly after, and the Cavs went on to win Game 4 and even the series against the Celtics at two games apiece.

Damn, that was some funny shit. "My Baby, My Baby". Now, I don't condone Lebron yelling at his mom like that on National TV. I know my mom would have been on the court beating my ass. Then telling me to sit my ass down. I understand his anger and frustration though, what grown ass man wants his mama to come to his aid in a fight. I mean Lebron is already labeled a Crybaby and now this. I wouldn't be surprised to see Mama's Boy T-shirts in Boston tonight. I hope they are sponsored by Mercedes or Cadillac, so we can get .23 cent Lacs and Benzs instead of pizza this time. I would be the first person in line for those. In that picture it looks like Lebron is about to beat her ass and KG, Pierce is holding him back. I hope that these dudes and pull out a victory in Boston tonight, Lebron needs to have one of those Jordan games tonight. GO CAVS!!!

I'm It

I have officially been tagged by Soupasexy

Here are the rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you…
2. Mention the rules in your blog…
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours...
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them…
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged...

I may skip steps 4 and 5, I hope i'm not violating any blog rules.

1. I like to sleep on my hands, arms, or configure my body so that I lose circulation. Reading that back sounds a little crazy. I like the feeling of waking up in the morning with my arm still asleep. I don't know why that amazes or pleasures me. One morning I woke up and I knew that practically my entire right arm was out for the count. I attempt to raise my arms in the air in a yawning motion, little did I know that I had no feeling or control of my right arm. So I kinda sucker punched myself in the face. Now, I know how addicts feel I have been chasing that high ever since.

2. I have a weird relationship with holes. When I see holes in a wall, they make me itch. I'm not talking about little nail holes, they have to be at least the size of my fist to irriatate me. It's just something about a hole in the wall that creeps me out. I'm revealing entirely too much right now.

3. I can't stand that taste of applesauce, who invented this shit anyway. You don't see me making pearsauce, mangomash, or grapemush. I was traumatized when I was younger. I had asthama and my mother had to use covert tactics to get me to take my medicine. She would chop it up like Nino Brown and Ruffie me. I couldn't stand that shit then and I definitely can't stand it now.

4. For the first 20 something years of my life I wouldn't drink water. It was like I didn't even know water existed. Drinking water with a meal was a sin. The only time I would drink water was after a basketball session at the water fountain. Even still today, that is when water taste the best after exercising, basketball, or any other activities you might do to make you sweat...LOL. I blame the KOOLAID man for that. Now I can't go a day without drinking liters of it.

5. I have a severe case Packratism. I keep all kinds of useless papers, coupons, and junkmail. I can't throw away junkmail for some reason. I have like six editions of the Gold Clipper coupon book on the microwave, just in case I want to order some aluminum siding or a tanning bed.

6. I constantly bite my finger nails, people tell me thats a digusting habit. I take pleasure into letting them grow and biting them off. I usually end up with a couple of hangnails and blood. Its not a good look.